The “Act As If” Principle
My mission president taught us the “act as if” principle. If you want to be dedicated and faithful, act as if you already are. If you want to be happy and optimistic, act as if you are. I liked that, but it was difficult. Because of my perfectionism, I usually felt like I wasn’t measuring up. But I put on the façade that I was doing okay. So it was an act, since I didn’t really feel good about myself.
Story of my life.
I once took a Theater Arts class at BYU-Idaho called “Actors and Emotion” which focuses on methods for generating emotional experiences while performing. We learned how to conjure up emotions. If I wasn’t feeling sad, I could generate that emotion in myself. It seemed artificial. If I were actually an actor it would probably be useful. But because I’m not an actor I didn’t feel good about creating sadness or anger or joy, because it didn’t seem honest.
By putting on a happy face and smiling, I’ve been criticized (and I’ve criticized myself) for not being authentic. However, scriptures teach me to “be of good cheer” (Matt 9:3, D&C 68:6, Acts 23:11, Matt 14:27, D&C 61:36, John 16:33). I love the teaching that we should “cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed” (D&C 123:17).
So is it OK for me to smile even though I’m going through trials? Is putting on a happy face like burying my head in the sand or putting on blinders?
In my Come, Follow Me studies this month, Paul admonished me to “put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ.” What does that mean? Can I put Him on, like I would put on a piece of clothing while getting dressed in the morning, and then throughout the day try to act as he would act? If I were to put Him on as a mask, would I find myself interacting with others in a more Christlike way? And then after years of wearing Him daily, when I eventually take off the mask, would I find that I’ve taken on His image in my countenance?
I’m currently re-reading the book “Bonds That Make Us Free” by C. Terry Warner, of the Arbinger Institute. Near the end of Chapter 11 is this passage:
Behind all this discussion about what we can do to facilitate our own change of heart stands this simple question: Since we cannot bring about a change of heart in ourselves directly, what can we do directly that will indirectly bring about a change of heart? The answer is this: Even if we find ourselves unable to do the right thing with concern, compassion, or love, we can nevertheless do it because it is right.
Pres. Russell M. Nelson taught: “The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”
So if I can focus on gratitude and peace and joy, even when I’m living in difficult circumstances, I’ll be more apt to find those blessings. I can choose to act as if I’m happy because it’s the right thing to do. And it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men are that they might have joy, even in the midst of adversity.
To be continued . . . with Part 54
Imperfect Guy 
Hmmm….here is something to consider. I’m happy to have a deeper conversation if you fell like you can’t understand what I am saying. I used to believe that certain emotions were “good” and certain emotions were “bad.” I have learned in recent years that emotions simply ARE. ❤ They are actually *neutral.* They are the messenger attempting to alert me to what lies beneath (~thoughts and under that ~beliefs). If I allow my emotions to totally take over, then I lose the message. If I try to deny my feelings, the message is also lost (it's the same problem, just opposite ends of extremes). I can choose to listen to myself by allowing room for *all* emotions rather than trying to pick and choose and control.
I find it interesting that Christ was *angry* (an emotion I used to label as "bad") and cleansed the temple. As He looked at the wickedness of His children, God *wept* (Moses 7; implying grief or sadness—emotions I also previously labeled "bad").
Maybe this isn't what you were saying: however, when I label certain emotions "good" and others "bad," (for me) I am trying to control rather than accept and allow life. I'm in denial on one end of the spectrum or I'm not taking responsibility for myself on the other end of the spectrum.
Yes, I need to properly manage my emotions! I am completely responsible for the things I do or say (or don't do or say) because of undetected emotions such as anger, shame, or grief.
When I feel my feelings instead of trying to hide from/deny them or let them completely take me over, I can actually be present to work at the root level. I believe it is our work at the root level that eventually allows for our experiences to simply be experiences rather than me constantly reacting to life (because of the build up of the lies inside of my mind and my heart that I won't honestly face by turning the messenger away).
As we deal with the complexities of life, it can be easy to believe it is "all or nothing." I have experienced firsthand that we can pass through bitter, painful, and stretching experiences AND still hold to our faith. (Just like we can allow for all emotions AND still have the self control to feel our feelings in ways that are appropriate and don't harm ourselves or others).
I wonder if it's more about the "big" picture of being cheerful than from moment to moment. I believe my Heavenly Parents and my Savior want to know how I truly feel; I don't believe They are telling me to *always* be happy on the outside when I'm actually crying on the inside. I am striving to be cheerful in all things…eventually. For now, the less I take life "personally," the easier it is to ebb and flow with the constant changes. I believe that each one of us has the right to feel. ❤
I can’t tell if my last comment already came through…? I wrote a super long reply, then it asked me to log in.:P The jist of it is I used to label certain emotions “good” and others “bad.” Emotions simply ARE. They are actually neutral. They are the messengers that can alert us of what is underneath (~thoughts and under that our ~beliefs).
When we allow our emotions to totally take over, we lose the message. When we try to deny our emotions by not allowing them, we also lose the message. These are two different sides of extreme; however, the results are the same: we lose the message they were sending to us.
I love that Christ was *ANGRY* and cleansed the temple (an emotion I used to label “bad”). God looked over His children and *WEPT* (Moses 7; implying grief and/or sadness—emotions I also previously labeled “bad”).
This probably isn’t how you are saying it, but maybe rather than saying we can’t *ever* feel *anything except* joy, it might be about the big picture. I believe we can pass through pain, hearth-ache, and bitterness and still have an over-arching experience of peace and joy. I believe that we can have a life of joy even though, on a smaller scale, it is dotted with painful experiences.
Sometimes when we face the complexities of life, we can believe it’s “all or nothing” or the only possibility is “either/or…” but the more life experiences I have, the more convinced I am that it’s actually quite often BOTH. We can hold to our faith and still not know all the answers. We can have joy AND grieve and process. We can allow for our emotions and still have enough self control to take responsibility for how we choose to process them.
I believe when we try to control our emotions or try to pick and choose based on which we believe are “good” and which we believe are “bad,” we lose the opportunity to work at the root level. As we allow for every emotion, remembering that they are simply trying to alert us to the root level, we can have the presence and clarity to allow Christ to make lasting changes in our minds and our hearts.
I believe my Heavenly Father and Savior want to know how I really feel. I don’t believe they would expect me to ever smile on the outside when I’m crying on the inside. The more I choose to work at the root level by following my emotions down to the roots, the easier it becomes to not take life so personally:) (so easier to not be upset about things). Gradually, I am more and more able to allow my experiences to simply be experiences rather than constantly reacting to everything (because of the unaddressed lies in my mind and my heart that I’m unwilling to face by not allowing my emotions).
I’m happy to talk deeper about this if you are having a hard time understanding what I am saying. ❤