What my struggles have taught me

A friend of mine recently asked me the question, “Where do you think you’d be today if you hadn’t had to deal with ______ all your life?” (Insert whatever challenges, trials, and adversities you’ve been through.)

My knee-jerk response was that life would have been happier and more enjoyable. But as I dig a little deeper, I come to a different conclusion.

In “It’s a Wonderful Life,” George Baily is given a chance to see what the world would have been like if he hadn’t been born. Even though he experienced many difficulties, he was able to see that his impact on his family and community was significant.

In Season 3 of “The Chosen,” Jesus’ apostle, James, walks with a limp. Jesus could have healed him, but He didn’t. Why not? Because of what he will do, in spite of the infirmity. (Read more about it here.)

The Apostle Paul prayed multiple times that his “thorn in the flesh” would be removed. But it wasn’t. Because Jesus’ grace was sufficient. (2 Cor. 12:7)

I’m impressed with the story of Squanto, famous because of how he helped the Pilgrims and contributed to the tradition of the first Thanksgiving in the New World. But as a young brave, Squanto had been brutally captured and sold in Spain as a slave. Overcoming many trials, he eventually makes it back to America and to his childhood home, only to find that his people are gone. If he hadn’t experienced those difficulties, he wouldn’t have been in America to help the Pilgrims be successful. (You can read more about it here.)

There were times in my life when I prayed and asked God “Why do I need to go through this struggle?” Especially when the struggle results in poor choices and feelings of low self-worth.

Janet Lee, wife of former BYU President Rex Lee wrote:

A few years ago, my sister and I were walking along the beach when we began a very serious talk about life, its challenges, and our growing ability to handle whatever came to us. “I think I have lived enough of life now that I could handle any challenge given me,” I naively stated. “I think I could too,” was my sister’s quick reply.

Then the question that I will remember forever came from her: “Janet, what would be your most difficult challenge?” I didn’t even need to think. I already knew. “The hardest thing for me,” I began, “would be the death of my husband. I can’t imagine life without Rex.”

“That would be hard,” she answered, “but I think divorce would be even more difficult for me.”

The preposterousness of our fears was interesting. Rex was running marathons and was the picture of health. My sister’s marriage seemed very much intact. We laughed at suggestions that couldn’t possibly become realities.

Just eight months later, Rex lay near death in a hospital, and my sister’s divorce proceedings had begun. Remembering that day and the year that followed will always bring back bittersweet memories for me. My sister and I most certainly would not have chosen those colors from our box of choices, but we had to pull our lives together, working with the colors that were there. Today after her sad divorce, my sister is building a new marriage with a wonderful man, and my life with Rex is rich and full. My choice would not have been to experience what was given me, yet as a result each day is filled with deeper meaning, greater understanding, and new insights. If I could trade it all back now and take the challenges away, I would do so in a minute. I don’t like the fact that my husband has cancer. It is definitely different from the life I had in mind for us. But if I could turn back the clock, would I also have to trade in what I have learned? I wouldn’t want to give that part back. Always having our first choice might mean giving up unknown benefits. A wise man once said, “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else.” (Read the full article here.) 

So now, after looking back, I would offer a similar sentiment to my friend. I wouldn’t want to have experienced the suffering and difficulties, but I wouldn’t want to have missed what I’ve learned from it. Because of what it has taught me. 

Even Jesus asked, “If it be possible, let this cup pass from me.” (Matt 26:39) And yet He still suffered unimaginably. He was glorified through what He experienced. And through His atonement, he became the Savior, Redeemer of mankind. 

To be continued . . . with Part 93.