Perfectionism is not so much a physical affliction, but an affliction of the mind and the heart. To recover from this affliction, we need healing in both the heart and the mind.
Healing in the Heart
About a month ago I had a very emotionally intense experience. (The experience is a whole ‘nother story, which I may write about at some time in the future.) It was heart-rending and heart-healing. I was able to face some core emotions that had been blocking my progress. As a result, since then, I’ve been better able to recognize the difference between the old stoic intellectually-motivated man, and the new learning-to-be-open-hearted man. I find myself being more heart-felt in my responses to others. I enjoy feeling this way. This is progress.
President Boyd K. Packer taught the following powerful idea: “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior.” (Boyd K. Packer, “Do Not Fear,” Ensign, May 2004, 77.)
I’d like to emphasize the “understood” part of the above quote. For most of my life I thought that understanding was what happened in my head—intellectually. But the scriptures teach that understanding really happens in our hearts. (These scriptural examples were cited by Elder Bednar in a Ricks College Campus Education Week Devotional in June of 1999.)
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Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? Or who hath given understanding to the heart? (Job 38:36)
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My mouth shall speak of wisdom; and the meditation of my heart shall be of understanding. (Psalms 49:3)
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So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding. (Proverbs 2:2)
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Ye have not applied your hearts to understanding; therefore, ye have not been wise. (Mosiah 12:27)
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. . . but that you should hearken unto me, and open your ears that ye may hear, and your hearts that ye may understand, and your minds that the mysteries of God may be unfolded to your view. (Mosiah 2:9)
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And the multitude did hear and do bear record; and their hearts were open and they did understand in their hearts the words which he prayed. (3 Nephi 19:33)
So, although I previously had a cognitive knowledge that I’m God’s son and that He loves me, I didn’t really understand it until I started feeling it in my heart.
Healing in the Mind
We know that the Savior can heal our hearts—He said that He is come to bind up the brokenhearted. But we also need him to heal our minds.
When Joseph Smith was in the Liberty Jail, the Lord told him: “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; . . . The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth.” (D&C 121: 45-46)
I love what Elder Holland has to say about this: “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly. That is . . . good counsel . . . for all kinds of gospel thoughts, good thoughts, constructive thoughts, hopeful thoughts. Those faith-filled thoughts will alter how you see life’s problems and how you find resolution to them. “The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind,” (D&C 64:34) the revelations say. Too often we have thought it was all up to the heart; it is not. God expects a willing mind in the quest for happiness and peace as well. Put your head into this. All of this takes effort. It is a battle but a battle for that is worth waging. (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Living after the Manner of Happiness,” BYU-Idaho Devotional, 23 Sep 2014.)
Those of us with perfectionism often have “stories”—thoughts, beliefs—that we tell ourselves, but which are distressing and keep us from progressing. These are mental. So understanding how to challenge those stories can be helpful in getting past the blockages. I recently found the work of Byron Katie which teaches a simple method for allowing us to identify and question these old stories. I highly recommend it.
The Lord does require both the heart and the mind in our efforts to come unto Him.
To be continued . . . with Part 5.
Imperfect Guy 