The Reunion and Self-care

Part of my perfectionism is the desire to avoid rejection. If I don’t perform at a certain level of excellence it won’t be acceptable to others. Another part is the desire to fit in. I need to meet the expectations of others, in order to belong. 

This past weekend I attended a family reunion at Grandpa’s Farm in Southern Utah. My mother’s side of the family holds an extended reunion on the last weekend in June on the odd years. My maternal grandfather, Arthur Delano Cox had a farm just west of Rockville and across the river from Grafton. He passed it on to his oldest son Alma Cox, who ran the farm until he became too old. Then he passed it on to his oldest son, Tracy Cox. Tracy has maintained the farm and made it available to the family for reunions. 

Typically, we’ve had assignments as part of the reunion activities, and the responsibilities (meals, games, hikes, swimming, program, etc.) would rotate through the 1st generation cousins. And, because of my perfectionism, I’ve usually felt a lot of pressure to get things exactly right, whatever my responsibility was. And it took precedence over developing connections with my relatives. This is the Martha vs. Mary issue. And I’ve tended to be a Martha in the past.

But many of the responsibilities have now been passed down to the next generation. So I was able to mostly just relax, and spend time with family. It was different and wonderful. 

Many of the attendees camp at the farm for a few days. So there are a lot of tents, RVs, trailers, etc. But this time I reserved a hotel in LaVerkin (about 17 minutes from the farm). I was able to sleep in a comfortable bed and get a shower each morning. This meant getting good sleep and helping me have a better start to the day. I also picked up some healthy food and put it in a cooler, so I wouldn’t be at the mercy of whatever was being served. 

So this year, I did more to promote my own self-care. And it felt really good. When I’m healthier mentally and emotionally, I bring a healthier version of myself to others. 

To be continued . . . with Part 100.