Healing Through Christ

I volunteer with a 12-Step group every Thursday evening. The group is specifically for LDS men with pornography addictions. It meets virtually, using Zoom. We have men from UT, ID, CA, OK, MI, MD, and possibly from other states (since we don’t need to share where we are from). In the past, we’ve had one from OR, one from TX, and one from Australia. Most use just their first name, and some don’t share their faces in the meeting. The group size averages about 15 attendees at a meeting. The lowest I’ve seen was six and the highest was 24. It’s a relatively anonymous group; we only share what we want to. Some are quite vulnerable and others are somewhat vague. 

We use a workbook called Healing Through Christ. It is based on the Church’s ARP manual and the AA 12-Step program. But it expands significantly on the concepts found in the 12 steps. For example, Step 1 has six subsections. Step 4 has 10 subsections. So, rather than spend one week on one step, we spend one week on one section. Altogether, it has 46 sections, so it takes us the better part of a year to work through the entire book. It also has a glossary and two appendices. 

It includes scriptural content and quotes from general authorities of the Church. But it also has content from such other experts as Patrick Carnes, Brené Brown, Ekhart Tolle, Donald Hilton, Steven Cramer, Philip Harrison, Melody Beattie, Brad Wilcox, Sheri Dew, Stephen Robinson, the SAA Green Book, and the SA White Book. 

In the group meeting, we spend about 45 minutes going over the content in the workbook, which includes comments and discussion around the concepts. And then we spend another 45 minutes in the sharing portion of the meeting. This is my favorite part because the group members get real. No sugar coating. Vulnerability is key and so is the sharing of spiritual growth. We learn what it means to live “in recovery.” 

With all of that as a backdrop, here’s the question I’d like to pose about pornography’s effects on us: Is it an addiction? Or a challenge? 

Some people will say that when I call myself an addict, then I’m defining myself by my challenge, whereas my true identity is that I’m a son of God. However, in 12-step programs, honesty is the first step. So I can either be in denial, ignoring the effects my behavior has on myself and others, or I can take responsibility for my choices and move into recovery mode. 

There are other people for whom pornography is a challenge, but not a full-blown addiction. So we don’t want to make it more severe than it is. We all have natural man tendencies and pulls, but if we’re able to say “no” to those pulls, then it’s likely not an addiction. 

However, some addicts are able to say “no” or avoid the behavior, by white-knuckling for a time. But they are still addicted, which takes a huge toll on their system, by keeping them in their limbic brain or living in survival mode, often referred to as fight, flight, or freeze mode. 

I am a son of God, and that’s my true identity. And it turns out that a significant aspect of recovery is to come to see myself as God sees me — as a beloved, precious child of God, whose love for me is perfect, infinite, and unqualified. 

We all need healing through Christ, especially perfectionists. When I finally come to realize what He has done for me, my perfectionism dissipates significantly. I come to recognize that in this life, the expectation is that I become perfect in Christ, rather than perfect like Christ. The difference is important. 

To be continued . . . with Part 83