Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist – Part 67

Is Mortality a Hill or a Path?

As I usually do during General Conference, I listen for counsel that might help me deal with life in a less perfectionistic way. One illustration particularly stood out to me this time. In her talk, “Keep the Change,” Sister Becky Craven shared:

When I was younger, I visualized myself walking along an upward, vertical path toward my goal of eternal life. Each time I did or said something wrong, I felt myself sliding down the path, only to start my journey all over again. It was like landing on that one square in the children’s game Chutes and Ladders that slides you down from the top of the board back to the beginning of the game! It was discouraging!

This resonated with me so much, because I’ve felt the same way. It’s like life is a hill that I’m constantly climbing, try to get higher. When I make a mistake, I feel like I slide back down to the bottom of the hill and have to start all over. 

But as I’m getting healthier, I recognize that this is all-or-nothing thinking. I’m either climbing near the top or floundering at the bottom. This kind of  thinking is shame-based and perpetuates the idea that I’ll never make it. And it leaves no gray area for balance and acceptance of my mortality.

I once shared with a friend my feeling that I’m forever climbing a hill. He helped me to see a different metaphor that works much better. Instead of seeing life’s quest as climbing a hill, look at it as a path I’m on. If I stray from the path, I can just move back on. I don’t have to go all the way back to the beginning of the path and start over. When I think of my mistakes this way, I realize that I don’t need to beat myself up; I just need to move back over and onto the path. 

This is similar to an example told by Stephen R. Covey in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families”: 

It’s like the flight of an airplane. Before the plane takes off, the pilots have a flight plan. They know exactly where they’re going and start off in accordance with their plan. But during the course of the flight, wind, rain, turbulences, air traffic, human error, and other factors act upon that plane. They move it slightly in different directions so that most of the time that plane is not even on the prescribed flight path! Throughout the entire trip there are slight deviations from the flight plan. Weather systems or unusually heavy air traffic may even cause major deviations. But barring anything too major, the plane will arrive at its destination.

Now how does that happen? During the flight, the pilots receive constant feedback. They receive information from instruments which read the environment, from control towers, from other airplanes – even sometimes from the stars. And based on that feedback, they make adjustments so that time and time again they keep returning to the flight plan.

This way of seeing my personal growth gives me more hope. Being mortal, I will deviate from the path, but I can quickly repent and get back on track. 

To be continued . . . with Part 68