Adaptive vs. Maladaptive Perfectionism

I’ve noticed something lately about perfectionism—sometimes it helps me, but other times it feels like it’s taking me down unproductive roads. Turns out, psychologists actually break perfectionism into two types: adaptive and maladaptive. Knowing the difference has helped me make peace with my own tendencies, and I want to share a bit of what I’ve been learning.

Adaptive perfectionism is the kind of perfectionism that pushes us to do our best. It’s about high personal standards, striving for excellence, and wanting to grow. I think of this as the healthy type. It’s what makes an artist keep refining their craft or a student commit to continuing learning. It’s about goals, effort, and improvement. And when it’s balanced, it can feel good. There’s satisfaction in finishing something and knowing you gave it your best shot, not to prove something to the world, but because it matters to you.

Maladaptive perfectionism is a totally different experience. This is the side that shows up as harsh self-criticism, constant fear of failure, and feeling like nothing you do is ever enough. I’ve been there: you finish something and instead of feeling proud, you’re focused on the one tiny mistake or thinking about how someone else could’ve done it better. It’s exhausting, and honestly, it steals a lot of joy from life.

A study funded by the NIH (National Institutes of Health) confirmed what many of us already sense intuitively: maladaptive perfectionism is directly tied to anxiety, depression, and even burnout. What really hit me is that this kind of perfectionism isn’t about healthy ambition—it’s about fear. Fear of disappointing others, fear of being exposed as not good enough, fear of failure itself.

So, how do we work with this?

For me, the shift started when I realized I don’t have to get rid of all perfectionism—I just need to work on making sure it’s the adaptive kind, not the toxic kind. Here are a few things that have been helping:

Self-compassion over self-criticism. It sounds cliché, but it works. Instead of tearing myself down for what’s not perfect, I try to speak to myself the way I’d talk to a good friend.

Setting flexible standards. I still value quality, but I’ve stopped demanding flawlessness. Sometimes 80% is more than enough to get the job done.

Redefining success. I’ve started focusing more on effort, learning, and growth, not just the outcome.

Letting go of “all or nothing.” Progress is still progress, even if it’s messy or slower than I wanted.

At the end of the day, perfection isn’t the goal anymore. Growth is. Excellence is good, but perfection is an illusion.

If you struggle with perfectionism like I have, know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to perfect your way into being okay. You’re already okay, right here, right now—with or without the gold star.

As I’ve worked through my own perfectionistic tendencies, the gospel of Jesus Christ has brought me a kind of peace that no checklist or personal achievement ever could. The Savior never once said, “Be perfect now.” He said, “Come unto me.” That invitation isn’t just for the polished or the accomplished. It’s for the weary, the broken, and yes, even the ones stuck in self-doubt and never-ending to-do lists. I’ve come to believe that Jesus doesn’t require flawlessness; He asks for humility, faith, and a heart willing to grow.

Ether 12:27 that has become a lifeline for me: “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.” That verse used to feel like a reminder of how far I fall short. But now I see it as a reminder that weakness isn’t a disqualifier; it’s part of the path. The gospel flips perfectionism on its head. Instead of earning worth through performance, I’m learning to receive grace through relationship. It’s not about proving myself to God. It’s about trusting that I’m already loved and that His grace is sufficient as I continue the journey.