Don’t go it alone

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned about overcoming perfectionism is that we don’t have to do it alone. Perfectionism thrives in isolation. When we get stuck in our own heads, worrying about every mistake or every possible shortcoming, our perspective gets distorted. The pressure feels heavier, the hill we’re climbing seems steeper, and the burden feels too much to carry.

Interestingly, this isn’t just a metaphor—it’s something science has actually studied. In the NIH article, “Social Support and the Perception of Geographical Slant,” researchers found that people literally see physical challenges—like the steepness of a hill—as less daunting when they are with a supportive friend. Just the presence of someone they trusted and felt connected to made the climb seem easier.

That research resonates so much with perfectionism. When we’re alone with our unrealistic standards and inner critics, everything feels like a mountain we can’t climb. But when we bring safe, supportive people into the process—whether that’s a spouse, a trusted friend, or a group of fellow strugglers—we feel lighter. Suddenly, it doesn’t feel like we’re carrying the burden by ourselves.

From a gospel perspective, this principle runs deep. God designed us to live in community, to “bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light” (Mosiah 18:8). Christ Himself promised, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). In other words, connection with others is not just emotionally helpful—it invites the Spirit and brings the Savior’s healing presence into our lives.

For those of us wrestling with perfectionism, this matters. Perfectionism often whispers that we’re not good enough, that we have to earn love, and that we’ll never measure up. But connection with others provides a powerful countervoice. A supportive friend or loved one reminds us that we are valued as we are, not just for what we achieve. And when we combine that with gospel truths—that our worth is infinite as sons and daughters of God, and that Christ’s grace is sufficient even when we fall short—we begin to loosen perfectionism’s grip.

I believe one of the adversary’s tactics is to keep us isolated, because in isolation, perfectionism has the upper hand. But as soon as we step into connection—whether through trusted relationships, ward communities, or even small acts of vulnerability—light begins to shine into the darkness. Just as in that NIH study, the hill before us feels less overwhelming when someone is walking beside us.

So if you’re struggling with perfectionism, don’t try to conquer it alone. Reach out. Let someone into your journey. Share the load, and allow the Savior to be part of your relationships. With social support and the grace of Christ, the path forward becomes not only possible but filled with hope.