Is God disappointed in me?

I’ve asked myself this question many times. I’ve been hypervigilant for words that could give me hope that God isn’t upset, angered, and displeased with me. So I was grateful to hear this two years ago in April Conference: 

“God does not now see, nor has He ever seen, you as someone to be despised. . . He is not ashamed of you or disappointed in you.” —Elder Patrick Kearon 

I’ve known Kurt Francom through his Leading Saints organization, which I started following about seven years ago. Then I met Kurt five years ago at a retreat (see Part 48). I felt a kinship with him as we talked about how we wished our elders quorums were places where men could be more emotionally vulnerable and supportive. And how it’s common to crave the approval of others. And that it’s hard to see God as pleased with us when we make mistakes. So I could see the beginnings of the book taking root back then. 

As I was studying this book, I often thought: “I wish I’d had this years ago.” I also thought of several people I could send a copy to. It’s probably one of the most important books I’ve come across in the last 5 years. And it has only been available since last month. 

Here’s the summary taken from the back cover of the book:

As early as Primary, you may have absorbed this confusing message: “God loves us…but He’s so disappointed in you.”

For a religion that preaches hope, the message of “do more” often seems to win out.

With so many programs, assignments, callings, commandments, standards, and honor codes, how can you keep up?

The adversary highlights the shame you feel when you constantly fall short. Do you feel only heaviness as you consider the Latter-day Saint path to exaltation? How can God not be disappointed in someone like me?

The gospel was never meant to be exhausting, and God has never been disappointed in you.

God isn’t frustrated with you, and He isn’t looking to condemn you. Many are trying to gain strength by doing more, but true strength is found in turning to God.

In this book, you’ll gain an understanding of the following:

• God wants your heart, not your behavior
• Why you need commandments and covenants when God already offers you so much grace
• How God’s acceptance and love propels you into a relationship with Him
• Satan’s most powerful tool is shame, and it controls you more than you realize
• God is strengthening us by revealing our identity

Step into the pages of this book and discover a new relationship with a God who waits to shower you with love and approval. If you’re a Latter-day Saint, it’s time for you to experience the hope, power, and redemption the gospel of Jesus Christ offers.

The full title is Is God Disappointed in Me? Removing Shame from a Gospel of Grace. As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve written about the destructive effects of shame several times on this blog. So one of my favorite parts of the book is Chapter Five: Identity. Usually, Satan doesn’t directly try to get me to do bad things. He attacks my identity as a beloved child of God. My divine nature. My infinite worth. He wants me to focus on my behavior more than my heart. It’s a very subtle approach. Yet, it is so effective. 

I highly recommend this book. 

(There’s an Audible version if you prefer to listen. On Amazon, it’s totally worth the $15.99, but you can get it at your local Costco for $9.99.) 

(Kurt has done several interviews/podcasts about this topic. One of my favorites is this one with Ritchie Steadman, host of The Cultural Hall. It’s about 53 minutes.)