Wild at Heart

If you heard my devotional talk from last October, or if you read Part 35 of this blog, you know that I have had a difficult time my whole life trying to feel God’s love for me.  I’m sure part of that is because I have kept my heart somewhat closed and protected. So in this post I’m going to share an experience I had that significantly opened my heart to His love.  

A few years ago, a friend suggested I read the book Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul, by John Eldredge.  I did, and found the book fascinating.  

From the back cover of the book:  “Every man was once a boy. And every little boy has dreams, big dreams, dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. But what happens to those dreams when we grow up? Walk into most churches, have a look around, and ask yourself: What is a Christian man? Without listening to what is said, look at what you find there. Most Christian men are . . . bored. Wild at Heart, invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God.”

However, at that time I wasn’t in a place in my own journey to really embrace the concepts.  So I kept the book on my shelf and periodically revisited the ideas.

Then last fall I listened to a podcast on Leading Saints called Wild at Heart in Church Leadership: An Interview with Doug Nielsen.  The podcast reignited in me some of the things I had read and also applied it to our elders quorums.  While progress is being made in ministering to men in the Church, it seems that a lot of men are still in checklist mentality, living in should’s and ought to’s rather than living from a place of passion, connection, honesty, and vulnerability.  (See this article by my colleague, Sheldon Lawrence, A Quorum of Strangers: On the Isolation of Mormon Men.)  

I subscribe to the Leading Saints emails and I received one where Kurt Francom (owner of Leading Saints) described attending a retreat based on the Wild at Heart book and concepts.  The Warrior Heart boot camp was an opportunity to actually implement those concepts personally.  

As I read of Kurt’s experience there, my own heart yearned for a similar experience.  I looked into the possibility of attending. Things fell into place and I found myself in Wanship, Utah earlier this month.  For three days, I was continually presented with the idea that God loves me—unconditionally. For part of the first day my cold, closed heart held on tightly, skeptical that God could really love me that way.  But gradually I was convinced to let go of the hardness and the Lord broke down the barriers I had built up many years ago. He offered His Love to me over and over, and it sank deep into my heart. It was a truly transformational time for me.  

Why this retreat worked for me:

(First, let me say that the retreat isn’t for everyone.  I’m only sharing my own personal experience. I’m not advertising it and I don’t get a commission if others attend.)

1. I was in a place apart from “the world” in the mountains where the beauties of nature were all around me.  God’s handiwork was so evident. It was scenic and glorious.
2. We were asked to leave our phones and other devices in our cars, so we could unplug from the outside world and not be distracted.
3. The sessions were presented by men who have worked the concepts themselves.  They have walked the walk, and were very genuine and honest. The ideas presented were scripturally based and not just therapeutic.  
4. After each session we had alone time with God.  Just Him, me, and my journal. No putting on a front or trying to impress anyone.  Nothing else to do but to talk with Him. Share my fears, my shame, my sadness, my hopes, my passion, my resolve.  This is where I felt His love in my heart most convincingly.
5. I experienced a real sense of brotherhood and supportiveness from the other men there.  Not just from those who were facilitating the weekend, but from those who were, like me, attending for the first time.  I really only knew one other man there, yet in a matter of hours, previous strangers were sharing and interacting like old friends.  It was great to connect with them authentically.
6. In the past, when I had felt God’s love, it seemed like it was short-lived.  Soon after, I’d start doubting whether I actually felt it or not. But for the duration of the retreat, the feeling was constant.  There was no mistaking or denying it. In fact, part of the reason I’m writing about it here, is so that if I ever doubt His love in the future, I’ll have this as a reminder.   

As I drove home Saturday night, I wondered what it would take to get the same feeling in our elders quorums.  

To be continued . . . with Part 49