Trading Perfectionism for Peace

I recently came across an article from the American Psychological Association that caught my attention. It found that today’s young adults are more perfectionistic than any previous generation they’ve studied. Researchers analyzed data from more than 82,000 college students spanning 35 years, and one trend stood out. Young people today are increasingly afraid of making mistakes, failing, and being judged by others.

But I also think this applies to many adults, not just young adults. We live in a culture that tells us we’re only as valuable as our accomplishments. Whether it’s school, careers, parenting, social media, finances, or even our spirituality, we’re always being measured.

One thing I appreciated about this research is that it pushes back on the idea that social media is the whole problem. The researchers found that perfectionism has been increasing since long before Instagram or TikTok. They mention other cultural and financial pressures that have made people feel like there’s less room for mistakes and more pressure to prove their worth.

I think many members of the Church can relate to this.

Sometimes we accidentally bring the world’s definition of perfection into the gospel. We start believing that being a disciple means never struggling, never doubting, never making mistakes, and always having it together. We compare ourselves to others at church and wonder why we can’t measure up.

But Jesus never invited people to come to Him after they became perfect. He invited them to come as they were.

The scriptures don’t tell the story of perfect people. They tell the story of people who repeatedly turned back to Christ. Peter denied the Savior. Alma the younger rebelled. The sons of Mosiah made serious mistakes. Yet the Lord didn’t define them by their worst moments. He transformed them through His grace.

Perfectionism isn’t the same thing as excellence. Excellence says, “I’ll do my best and learn from my mistakes.” Perfectionism says, “If I make a mistake, something must be wrong with me.”

I’ve also noticed that perfectionism usually has less to do with high standards and more to do with fear. Fear of disappointing God, disappointing family, and disappointing ourselves.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (1 John 4:18, ESV)

As we begin to understand God’s love, we become less affected by shame and more motivated by gratitude. We still want to grow, repent, and become more like Christ, but we’re no longer trying to earn His love. We’re responding to love we’ve already been given. And when our eyes stay on the Savior, perfection becomes much less important than progress.