Adaptive vs. Maladaptive Perfectionism

I’ve noticed something lately about perfectionism—sometimes it helps me, but other times it feels like it’s taking me down unproductive roads. Turns out, psychologists actually break perfectionism into two types: adaptive and maladaptive. Knowing the difference has helped me make peace with my own tendencies, and I want to share a bit of what I’ve been learning.

Adaptive perfectionism is the kind of perfectionism that pushes us to do our best. It’s about high personal standards, striving for excellence, and wanting to grow. I think of this as the healthy type. It’s what makes an artist keep refining their craft or a student commit to continuing learning. It’s about goals, effort, and improvement. And when it’s balanced, it can feel good. There’s satisfaction in finishing something and knowing you gave it your best shot, not to prove something to the world, but because it matters to you.

Maladaptive perfectionism is a totally different experience. This is the side that shows up as harsh self-criticism, constant fear of failure, and feeling like nothing you do is ever enough. I’ve been there: you finish something and instead of feeling proud, you’re focused on the one tiny mistake or thinking about how someone else could’ve done it better. It’s exhausting, and honestly, it steals a lot of joy from life.

A study funded by the NIH (National Institutes of Health) confirmed what many of us already sense intuitively: maladaptive perfectionism is directly tied to anxiety, depression, and even burnout. What really hit me is that this kind of perfectionism isn’t about healthy ambition—it’s about fear. Fear of disappointing others, fear of being exposed as not good enough, fear of failure itself.

So, how do we work with this?

For me, the shift started when I realized I don’t have to get rid of all perfectionism—I just need to work on making sure it’s the adaptive kind, not the toxic kind. Here are a few things that have been helping:

Self-compassion over self-criticism. It sounds cliché, but it works. Instead of tearing myself down for what’s not perfect, I try to speak to myself the way I’d talk to a good friend.

Setting flexible standards. I still value quality, but I’ve stopped demanding flawlessness. Sometimes 80% is more than enough to get the job done.

Redefining success. I’ve started focusing more on effort, learning, and growth, not just the outcome.

Letting go of “all or nothing.” Progress is still progress, even if it’s messy or slower than I wanted.

At the end of the day, perfection isn’t the goal anymore. Growth is. Excellence is good, but perfection is an illusion.

If you struggle with perfectionism like I have, know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to perfect your way into being okay. You’re already okay, right here, right now—with or without the gold star.

As I’ve worked through my own perfectionistic tendencies, the gospel of Jesus Christ has brought me a kind of peace that no checklist or personal achievement ever could. The Savior never once said, “Be perfect now.” He said, “Come unto me.” That invitation isn’t just for the polished or the accomplished. It’s for the weary, the broken, and yes, even the ones stuck in self-doubt and never-ending to-do lists. I’ve come to believe that Jesus doesn’t require flawlessness; He asks for humility, faith, and a heart willing to grow.

Ether 12:27 that has become a lifeline for me: “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.” That verse used to feel like a reminder of how far I fall short. But now I see it as a reminder that weakness isn’t a disqualifier; it’s part of the path. The gospel flips perfectionism on its head. Instead of earning worth through performance, I’m learning to receive grace through relationship. It’s not about proving myself to God. It’s about trusting that I’m already loved and that His grace is sufficient as I continue the journey.

Perfectionism and Religion

Whenever I see the topic of perfectionism show up in mainstream media, it has my attention. That’s why, when I saw an article in the Deseret News, I was particularly interested. The article Does religion lead to more or less perfectionism? discusses findings published in last month’s issue of the peer-reviewed journal BYU Studies Quarterly focusing on Latter-day Saints and perfectionism. Here are some segments I found intriguing: 

During a university meeting at the beginning of the school year, a therapist was facilitating a helpful discussion on student mental health. When toxic perfectionism came up, the facilitator mentioned in an offhanded way that we have a particular problem with this at Brigham Young University because of “the gospel.”

This statement was not much of a surprise given the seemingly common attitude that BYU students (and members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in general) struggle with perfectionism. Some have even suggested Latter-day Saints struggle more with perfectionism than those of other faiths — including a podcaster who called Latter-day Saints a “notoriously perfectionistic population.”

For a faith that accepts scriptures such as “be ye therefore perfect” (Matt. 5:48), these attitudes can seem hard to argue with. Even many members today seem to take for granted that religious people struggle more often with crippling perfectionism.

Yet at that time, there had been no research that compares the perfectionism of Latter-day Saints with that of other groups. Somewhat ironically, all the therapists and researchers who have said Latter-day Saints are higher in toxic perfectionism than others have done so in the absence of any research to substantiate the claims.

So we crunched numbers on the perfectionism from our “Family Foundations of Youth Development” study of the mental health of Latter-day Saint youth, where we’ve been following over 2,000 youth for the past six years (about half Latter-day Saint, half not).

When we looked at the initial results, it was clear the narrative we commonly hear did not fit the study data.

The most striking finding emerging in new research on perfectionism was that Latter-day Saints are less likely — not more — to experience unhealthy levels of perfectionism, compared with other groups.

Michael Goodman’s “Religion and Perfectionism” article provides the first-ever study known to examine these questions. Contrary to what some may assume, having a religious association or a belief in God tended towards lower levels of toxic perfectionism compared to those of no religion. At a statistically significant level, Latter-day Saints and those of “other religions” had lower toxic perfectionism than atheists and agnostics and former Latter-day Saints.

In addition to affiliation, religious salience (how important religion is to a person’s sense of self) was also connected to toxic perfectionism. Those with high religious salience were more than twice as likely to be low in toxic perfectionism.

Although this research may surprise the social media world, the research community should be unsurprised, since decades of research have found that religion is related to better mental health and Latter-day Saints are known for their strong religiosity.

It is not unlikely that the decline of religion in society is another reason for the rise in perfectionism.

Here are five takeaways from the report:

• Not all perfection-seeking is the same.
• Families really do play a significant role in how their children feel about growth, mistakes, and overall worth.
• Toxic perfectionism really can hurt mental health.
• One form of perfectionism, in particular, calls for healing.
• Toxic perfectionism can push people away from God and religion participation.

I’ll let you read the whole article if you are inclined. I found it fascinating since it’s referring to people like me. Much of it resonated well with me.