General Conference Teachings
As usual, when I listen to General Conference, I try to identify teachings that help me deal with perfectionistic thinking. Here are three conference messages that stood out to me from earlier this month.
1. Elder Edward Dube — Come unto Christ
Elder Dube’s message is probably the most directly relevant talk in the entire conference for someone dealing with perfectionism. He addresses the mistaken idea that we must first make ourselves good enough before approaching the Savior.
“We do not need to perfect ourselves to come to Christ. We come to Christ to be perfected.”
Elder Dube explains that coming to Christ involves action, surrender, and a willing heart. We don’t have to fix everything ourselves before asking for His help.
Perfectionism often reverses the gospel’s order of operations. We tell ourselves:
– First, I must overcome this weakness; then I can feel close to God.
– First, I must become more disciplined; then I can feel good about myself.
– First, I must stop making mistakes; then I can trust that I am making spiritual progress.
Elder Dube points us in the opposite direction. We come to Christ with our weaknesses, not after we have eliminated them. His grace is part of the process of change, not a reward for completing it. This doesn’t mean that our choices don’t matter or that repentance isn’t necessary. It means that we don’t have to earn the right to seek the help that makes repentance and change possible. A question I might ask myself: Am I trying to overcome my weaknesses through my own willpower before I allow the Savior to help me?
2. Elder Hutch U. Fale — I Am a Child of God
Elder Fale teaches that understanding our Heavenly Father’s love and our identity as His children is essential for our happiness.
“I am a child of God and He loves me.”
He teaches that our Heavenly Father loved us before we were born, loves us today, and will love us tomorrow. That love can give us courage to do our best and humility to turn to Him when we need help.
Perfectionism often attaches our worth to our performance. We may feel valuable when we succeed, when we are obedient, and when we meet expectations. But when we fail, we begin questioning our identity.
Elder Fale invites us to ground our identity in our relationship with our Heavenly Father. We can take our shortcomings seriously without defining ourselves by them. And we can repent without concluding that we are bad people. I might ask myself: If I truly believed that Heavenly Father loved me on my worst day as well as my best day, how would I treat myself differently when I fall short?
3. Elder Michael A. Dunn — The Ninety and Ten
Elder Dunn uses an ultramarathon experience to illustrate how the Savior helps us endure burdens and keep moving forward, even when we’re tired and discouraged.
“The Redeemer rescues not by shortening our course but by helping us lengthen our stride.”
Sometimes perfectionists aren’t asking too much of themselves because they are lazy or unwilling to work. They’re already working really hard. Their difficulty is that they believe they must keep pushing hard regardless of exhaustion or personal limitations.
Elder Dunn’s message offers a different understanding of divine help. The Savior doesn’t always remove the challenge or make the journey shorter. He helps us carry it.
This can mean learning to accept our present limitations, asking for help, adjusting our expectations, and taking the next step without needing to feel strong first. For someone who is getting older, experiencing chronic illness, struggling with an addiction, or facing a hard season of life, this message is very meaningful. Faithfulness doesn’t mean we have to pretend that we have unlimited capacity. A question I might ask myself: Where am I trying to carry something alone that the Savior is inviting me to let Him help me carry?
These talks offer answers to some common perfectionistic thoughts.
Perfectionistic thought: “I have to get my life together before I can come to Christ.”
Healthier response: “I come to Christ so He can help change me.” — Elder Dube
Perfectionistic thought: “My mistakes mean I’m not good enough.”
Healthier response: “I am a beloved child of God, even while I am growing.” — Elder Fale
Perfectionistic thought: “I should be able to handle everything myself.”
Healthier response: “The Savior helps me carry burdens I cannot carry alone.” — Elder Dunn
For a person struggling with perfectionism, maybe the most important question is not, “How can I finally become good enough?” It is, “What would change if I trusted Jesus Christ enough to let Him help me right where I am?”
